


On My Knees

by MELLOSENPAI (kawaiidesusenpai), oriontaylor



Category: Death Note
Genre: Backstory, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Literally sin, Love/Hate, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Slow Build, in a church, mafia, sin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 10:12:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 6,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8323924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kawaiidesusenpai/pseuds/MELLOSENPAI, https://archiveofourown.org/users/oriontaylor/pseuds/oriontaylor
Summary: Mihael Keehl, criminal genius, has long forgotten his traumatic childhood at Wammy's House and his intimate relationship with Matt. Now, a notoriously dangerous Mafia leader, Mello has finally come to terms with moving on. However, an encounter with the man who had previously affected his life takes a shocking new turn which even Mello could never have predicted...





	1. Mello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mello's POV

Stumbling into the church, I feel my heart pacing furiously in my chest, feeding off constant self-doubt and anxiety of being here. Although the doors to the foyer were open, I can't shift the feeling that my presence here is not welcome. The cold ambience is evident in the short-lived clouds that appear before my lips. Instinctively, I tug the sleeves of my leather jacket over my wrists, as though in doing so it would increase my body temperature.

It is quiet, too. Silent, apart from my own uneasy breathing which sounds deafening to hear alone. Candles, lit toward the altar, flicker alongside the harsh breeze that fills the room. The shadows are twice the length they would usually be and drip across the floor of the church like spilt oil. Oil that could easily burn the chapel down in an instant with the aid of a lighter.

As if in a trance, I suddenly find myself walking down the aisle, my Doctor Marten boots heavy against the floor tiles. I ignore the rows of benches either side of me and continue towards the altar. There, larger, brighter candles are decoratively arranged in such a way that signifies a power amongst the other low-lit, blander ones. Upon the ledges and surfaces, crucifixes and other religious objects stand proudly, like royalty.

I feel my knees give way beneath me and find myself on the floor, shuddering. Whether or not it is simply the cold or the sudden overwhelming sense of loss I experienced which caused my body to shake, I have no idea. However, as I look up to the stain-glassed window which stands before me at the back of the altar, I can't help but feel a sudden urge to compose myself. I slowly move into a kneeling position, clasping my hands before me and bowing my head, my blond fringe falling across my eyes. I can feel my breath become warmer as I start to recite what I was taught to say. It was actually the Mafia that had taught me about Christianity and convinced me to convert to Catholicism. Although the idea that a group of dangerous criminals would follow anything as contrasting to our motives as a religion, it gave me a sense of security almost, even though I am now perhaps more aware that I could face huge consequences for the sins I have committed.

Finally, my breathing becomes less rapid and my mind opens out, stretching towards the unknown. I am back in control of myself once more, and it is this realisation amongst my isolated state of being that shows me just how much potential power I could have. Not just a Mafia leader; I could rule the world if I chose to. I could decide how everyone would act and speak under my own command and there would be no other choice but to do as I would say. Power... Exactly what I was born to hold, to use... And now is the time to let that desire, no, that  _need_ out. All I have to do is-

Without warning, I hear footsteps coming into the church. My eyes fly open at the sound and I feel tense again, those idle thoughts of control now vanished. I stand up, turning around so fast that the candles nearby snuff out at the gust of breeze I create. I know I will be told off, maybe even be accused of sinning by entering at this time of night, especially if I were to be caught by a priest, Preparing myself for the worse, I see the doors of the chapel open and gasp at the familiar sight of the person who walks in.

"Matt?"


	2. Matt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matt's POV

The big wooden doors close behind me and the sound of it echoes through the building. The moon that had filled the place with his light allowed me to fully recognise the blonde male that was standing at the other end of the wide room, right infront of the altar. I was sure, no, I knew that it was him anyway, but to actually see him infront of me confirmed what I already knew. 

To spy on him and locate his whereabouts were no problem for me. I had tried to keep an eye on him since the day that Mello had left Wammys. It was close to impossible to start off with. 15 year old me knew how to work with computers, but didn't have the knowledge about how to hack devices or to find someone's locations. Mellos absence and my frustrated will to know what my ex-best friend was up to motivated me to learn hard. You could find me sitting infront of bright computer screens 24/7, breaking through every firewall, shutting down the most complex systems and of course hacking into every device that had some sort of connection to satellites or the Internet. 

Thanks to that I found Mello just a few weeks ago, nearly 4 years after he had left me behind. 

I wouldn't say that I was or am mad at him for treating me the way he did, but I admit that it hurt my feelings.

He was gone without a warning, leaving no small note behind for me, leaving nothing that would remind me of him. But now, after all of those years, I have him right infront of me and oh what a beautiful sight it is to see him on his knees, praying.

The sudden sound of someone entering the building made the blonde male jump up and turn around in a matter of seconds. I saw slight panic in his widely opened dark blue eyes. His expression changed to confusion and shock as he recognised who it was who had the nerve to bother him at his midnight praying session. 

Then he said my name.

"Matt?"

And it felt as if I had waited for ever to hear his voice saying my name again. 

"Mello."

 


	3. Mello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mello's POV

To say I am overwhelmed with emotion would be an understatement. Hesitantly, I step forward, scanning the man that stands before me. It's Matt, undoubtedly; he has changed a lot since the last time I saw him, but that isn't to say there is any reason why this man would be an impostor. He still wears the same trademark striped t-shirt that is probably too small for him now. But like any of this truly matters. Matt is here and he has found me.  
"Mello." I can tell he is holding back a smile, the way his face lights up as he says my name in the most melodic way. I've missed that, I realise, the sound of my name coming off his tongue, and my heart aches pathetically. How I fucking missed him... And, I suppose, it is this particular feeling I suddenly experience that causes me to slap him squarely across the jaw, as hard as I can.   
"You bastard!" I hiss, conscious to lower my voice as not to attract any unnecessary attention, "What do you think you're playing at, huh?" I can see that he is clearly trying to register my actions, before he raises a hand to where I hit him, hurt scrawled across his face. I know I should feel disgusted with myself right now but I am so angry that I can't. Maybe it was my own shock of being so quickly pulled out of my safe space that fuelled this fury, "How did you find me? I can't trust that you came here alone, can I? Idiot..." I turn my back to him, unable to look into his eyes any longer without the regret setting in. Part of me wants to grab him and hold him close, apologising for the violent reaction. I can't though, not after having built this barrier...  
When I had made the decision to leave Wammy's, it took me several attempts to force myself to not leave a note to my best friend. As a fifteen year old, I already knew that, for both of us, the best decision was to leave without a trace. Of course, I missed him terribly, and would cry my eyes out whenever nobody was around to witness, but as the weeks became months - and the months turned into years - I ended up talking myself out of the grief for Matt. I began to become harder, less emotionally challenged and then... I forgot about him. Not accidentally, no, I made myself forget all about my childhood best friend simply to ease my own suffering. And now, here he stands, tending to his wounded cheek which I inflicted upon him. I cannot turn back around and comfort him. I simply can't break down what I worked so hard at to build.  
"Go away, Matt." I mutter, looking down at the floor which I had just been praying on, "If you are hoping that I return to Winchester with you, you have another thought coming." I slowly crane my neck in his direction. "Assume I'm dead now or, better still, forget I ever existed. Get out of my sight now, or else I'll force you to."


	4. Matt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matt's POV

When I thought of finally meeting him again I wasn't sure what to expect. Would he be overwhelmed and cry out of joy? Would he be so shocked about me suddenly coming back into his life that his throat would dry out so he wouldn't be able to talk anymore? I really could not draw a picture of what would happen. But what did happen was nothing that I ever expected.

As he stepped towards me with that light expression I figured that he wasn't happy nor angry about me being there. I had to hold back a bright smile to be equal to his neutral mien. I didn't want to seem overly excited. No idea what was going on inside of his head but I had all sorts of feelings running through my body, which then all got shut down and knocked out as I felt his hand harshly slapping across my face. I froze on the spot and first moved a few seconds later. My glove covered hands carefully touched the place along my jaw and it was stinging. 

He turns around and speaks but I can barely understand what he was saying. My face was hot and my body felt numb. My ears seemed as if they were covered with some sort of liquid that swallowed every sound and every word that left Mellos mouth. The feeling of pain and anger built up inside of me. A feeling I held back for so long. I always brushed it off as nothing and tried to carry on, ignoring the fact how much I missed that man who just did this violant act on me. He hurt me and I could not hold it back any longer. I wouldn't let him treat me like this. 

Without further thoughts I approach him in a quick pace and grab his wrist from behind. With a strong tug I make him turn around and face me. 

"Is this how you greet a friend, Mello?" 

I say in a tone that revealed my hurt feelings more than I had planned.

I swallow hard and push down the urge to cry and moan about how bad he actually made me feel for all of the time that he wasn't there by his side. 

This time it wouldn't be me who suffers from the other person's behaviour and actions. I am going to make sure that he is the one to cry and moan.


	5. Mello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mello's POV

Glaring at Matt, I attempt to take back possession of my wrist, although it is clearly a losing battle on my part. Reluctantly, I let him restrain it, however, I can barely look at my hand. In an almost superstitious fashion, I will never pray with my gloves on, as if such a thing would lessen the genuineness of my act of faith. Of course, if the church has a dress code - which this one happens to have - I would follow it, but I have yet to come across any term that requires a hand covering of sorts. Therefore, whilst I did shove them in my pockets on the way here, my hands have been exposed all evening. Which is a problem.   
They have changed an awful lot since Matt last saw them. It isn't so much that I hate the use of my hands (they have served many purposes, from writing novels to pulling triggers) but, throughout my time at the Mafia, they have now scarred horribly from a variety of events. The very sight of them repulses me and it's the sole reason as to why I always wear the tight leather gloves. To hide them away. But now Matt has undoubtedly seen this vulnerability of mine and I am just praying my expression doesn't give any signs away.  
"Matt... Who says we are still friends? That was five years ago and so much has gone on since then, you should know that. I am trying to protect you; I'm a dangerous criminal now, and if you begin to associate with me, you will be arrested sooner or later. And I may not be able to defend you either. That was a wake-up call and, trust me, it was a lot kinder than letting you blindly follow me from now on." I can see the anger in Matt's expression still hasn't softened, so I sigh, defeated, "Ow, this is beginning to hurt."  
I look up into his eyes, a sudden sense of déjà vu hitting me as I glance into those bright green spheres, clouded over with fury. However, this memory was anything but anger-ridden... We were on the roof of Wammy's, his face inches away from mine...  
I wince instinctively, and the passing thought vanishes as soon as it came. Thank god for that.


	6. Matt

As I watched Mello's face change its expression with every sentence that came across his lips, I simply could not get my eyes off of him. These emotions; these feelings that his eyes revealed. The way the muscles around his mouth twitched out of anger and frustration. It hasn't changed a bit. That was how Mello had always been. A hot headed beautiful boy with a short temper and a lot of things to say. It surely wasn't always positive that he was blessed with such characteristics but after all that was something I loved about him and what I looked up to. 

That was one thing that broke me when he left. Everyone was rather emotionless and focused on good work at Wammys. No one was like Mello. As he was gone I noticed that I needed someone like him in my life to handle all of the pressure that was put upon us and when computer screens were the only thing I saw more than my own face on a daily basis I totally forgot how nice it was to have a face full of feelings looking back at me.

What bothered me now was that this anger that he showed was there because of me. He was mad at me. Me. His best friend. The one who was always there for him and would've done anything without expecting something  in return.

All I could do was huff at his statement and simply stare him down as I tightened my grip around his wrist. It's a rather strange thing for me to think but I enjoyed the sight of him quietly hissing in pain as a respond to my action.

"Do you really think that **you** would have to protect me, Mello?" I narrow my eyes and gaze right into his. "You can't even protect yourself from me!" My voice is clear and serious. I don't even try to hide the slight anger and grief in my voice. "If anyone is in danger then it's you, Mello!"


	7. Mello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mello's POV

It didn't take a genius to figure out what Matt was going to do. The realisation struck me hard, and I attempted to back away, "You... You aren't going to rape me, are you? Oh god..." I hated how pathetically quiet my voice had gotten, now barely audible as I began to beg, "Please... Not here... Matt..." Ironic to think that I had naïvely assumed I was in a position of power a few minutes ago. Now, I feel my cheeks dampening as I see my fate beckon. Perhaps this is the consequence for my sins... As much as I'd hate to admit it, I am terrified. Terrified of what he's going to do to me, even if I do deserve it. It was this fear that stopped me from leaving a note at Wammy's, the fear that made me forget him, the fear that caused me to hit him. Because I knew, deep down, that this was inevitable.   
With my heart pounding relentlessly in my chest, I struggled to pull his grip off mine, and even by pushing him, he was still so much stronger. More dominant, more powerful... The idea itself shook me mentally. I didn't want this, even if I did deserve it. The very thought that this place that I had so recklessly decided would be safe was to be the host of my worst nightmare made me feel sick. It was Matt's personality to be aggressive, especially if he was possessive over something, and I knew from the moment that we first had feeling towards one another that he would not let go easily. But I had moved on years ago; he was clinging so desperately to the past that he was going to do anything he could, even if it hurt me.  
All I could do now was pray. Which I began to do there and then, weeping relentlessly as I did so.


	8. Matt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt's POV

"Rape you!?" I say in shock. Why would Mello think that I would do such a thing to him? To Mello, the guy who I adored so much; the one who I've liked for so long. No. I could never harm him like that. Despite the fact how incredibly mad and upset I was about all of the things he has done, I would never want to force him to anything like this.

I keep my eyes on him and shake my head in disbelief. "No, I won't. Relax!" I sound a little annoyed. I wasn't really the one to be talking about 'relaxing'. After all, I was the one who stormed in here and made a big deal out of Mello hurting me, mentally and now physically.

"Would I really have to force you to something like that?" I ask after wondering about how Mello might really feel deep down. There must be a reason why he immediately thought of rape! Was he treated bad in the mafia? I bet they hurt him a lot, and if not anymore then they probably did in the beginning. To try and get to the top meant to start at the lowest point and to work yourself up, one way or another. There were definitely many methods that Mello could use and probably did use to make the other guys in the mafia 'like' and appreciate him. The thought of it made a shiver run down my spine.

"Mello... come on, don't be so hard to yourself! And to me! I have missed you so much, Mello. Tell me you've missed me too...!" My voice turned more soft with every word I said and I started to pull him closer. I feel myself getting careless. All I wanted was him. Always. I couldn't just let him go now. I've come so far.


	9. Mello

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mello's POV

Roughly using the back of my hand to wipe away the tears betraying my raw feelings, I stood, humiliated. Of course, I was more than relieved that my assumption hadn't been correct, yet I was deeply embarrassed by how I had reacted. After so many years of learning to stay emotionless and cold... all ruined because I wasn't thinking straight. _Fuck_! It wasn't as though Matt was the most intelligent below me for nothing either. It didn't take anyone with half a brain to put two and two together to work out why I did end up crying like that. Could I get anymore stupid? Whilst I certainly wasn't in a position to admit my background to Matt right now, it must have crossed his mind what happened to me; and he was probably right.

After I travelled to America using the majority of L's inheritance, I was practically homeless, spending my nights in cold, dark alleys that would forever haunt my memories until I died. The days weren't much better either, as I went from place to place within LA, hoping for some kind of miracle... which suddenly came to me within a few weeks of this hell I had been putting myself through. However, it certainly didn't present itself in such a way one might expect, but regardless, I later classed it as a miracle. Even if it had made me cry far more harshly than I had just now. Even if I did find myself hating every aspect of my appearance soon after. Even if I did feel like the human equivalent of utter garbage. I could go on and on, but the point has been made. I was depressed and too young to really exercise any particular rights I had as a human being in order to prevent myself from getting hurt.

What I did do after the first initial "session" as the men in the Mafia used to label it, was try and get used to it. With every one of those bastards who couldn't resist the feel of my pale skin under their grimy fingers, I learnt new techniques, and even began to kid myself I was enjoying it as much as they were. Slowly but surely, I got to a higher position - a position of credibility to be exact - wherein I was almost treated as one of their own. That had been their mistake, and my second miracle; being allowed to remain on equal terms with all those who took advantage of me. So aged seventeen years old, I personally took my revenge on those evil fuckers in numerous ways that would make Beyond Birthday himself proud. I left oh so few of them alive to have a foundation on which to build my new and improved American Mafia. No one could, or would, dare touch me now, and I had changed from being a young, naive dreamer to the heartless leader of a renowned criminal organisation. All in the name of justice. Justice, that is, for L.

"Tell me you've missed me too...!" The way Matt pleaded made me sick. How dare he beg for my attention, my concern, now, when he hadn't had to experience all that I had. Whilst I fought my way to the top, through tears and blood, I could only imagine him in our room - our  _old_ room - doing something stupid like playing video games. Yet now we were older, he thought now would be time to become loyal. So much for that. I couldn't bear his worry for me or what we had before. He was the past now, and I had to stop feeling in order to get it across to him that this was the harsh reality of the situation.

"Mail, go away. I've warned you once already. I haven't missed you and I never will. Get on with your own life and stop involving me in it... Please, for god's sake." I scolded myself for the irony of what I had just said, given where I was. Not that it mattered to me so much now. I shut my eyes tightly - I didn't want to see his again, and to remember... Damn. I hated this sense of vulnerability. All my efforts to remain strong were crumbling away before me and all I needed now was something I was internally battling against. I opened my eyes once more, my vision blurred by a window of tears. Who was I trying to impress? Matt had been my friend and my lover and he may not have been there for me when I needed him most but here he was now... and I was so full of hatred and loathing, "Matt... Matt!" I blurted his name out pathetically, before taking a few steps forward and stumbling into his arms, holding him tightly against my own body as i buried my face into his shoulder.

I was weak. I was scared. I wasn't good enough to be in a position of leadership at all.

But at least I was home.


	10. Matt

Mello was always the one to talk big and then eventually break down. When they were kids Mello would always get himself in trouble for saying rude things and picking fights and it was obvious that he just hadn't changed. First he slaps me, then he yells at me and tells me to go away and now I was holding him in my arms while he's loudly saying my name as if he was scared I wouldn't hear him. 

Pathetic, actually, and I knew that he was thinking the same thing, but I couldn't care less.

I look down and wrap my arms around him tightly. I've missed him so much. I've missed feeling him and smelling him. I always loved to have his slender body against mine and to hold him when ever he felt as if everything was just too much. 

"Mello.." I say gently and let my hand brush through his silky blond hair. "It's alright. I'm here now. You're not alone." I lean my head forwards a little to place my lips against his head. I took a deep breath and tried to make this moment last as long as I could. Who knew what was going to happen next. Maybe Mello would snap out of it and send me away or maybe some Mafia member would come in here and see the two of us and shoot us. Anything was possible and I wouldn't even be shocked anymore. 

I sigh and push him away a little. "Mello...you know you don't really want me to go again, right? You want me here, Mello, you want me." My hand moves up his side. "I know it...tell me I'm right, Mello.." My voice was more a whisper at this point and I felt my face heating up. I couldn't take this much longer. I just wanted him close. I need him near me and I need it now. Like when we were younger. Young and naïve. I miss those times.

"I love you, Mello. And I know that you love me too. Please don't fight it. Don't play tough. Not now..."


	11. Mello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mello's POV

God, I'd forgotten how intriguing Matt's voice could be; it sounded bizarre to say it like that but the way his voice wrapped around me as tightly as his arms had done reminded me just why I fell for him in the first place. "No... of course I don't." I mumbled, sounding like a small child. I remember how I often felt trapped in Matt's presence when I was younger and yet now I appeared to be falling back into it. But what else could I do? What if he had changed...? I had to give him a chance at least. I knew he was right.

I glanced up into his stunningly green orbs, every shade of what could be described as that colour reflecting back to me, as did countless emotions. I could easily watch those eyes of his forever, should I have the chance, and it led me to wonder if he even saw his eyes the way I did. Did eyes so breath-taking see the beauty in everything? Clearly not, I concluded. Otherwise why would Matt go chasing someone like me?

"Matt... Listen. I know you mean well but..." I frowned, steadily realising I was running out of decent excuses. I hung my head, "Sorry I slapped you earlier. I was scared. I've been trying to forget Wammy's and everyone in it and focus on getting to the very top... It's dangerous now, Matt. If you stay here with me, I can't guarantee you getting out alive. I... I don't want you to die." I bit my lip. Damn, I was so open today - what had gotten into me?? I turned around and looked back at the altar. Everything felt so serene and peaceful all of a sudden, as if a miracle were to take place. Maybe it would. 

"I swear to god right here and now, Matt, if you die, I'll follow you. That's why I don't want you to do so. I'm selfish and I love you too much to let you go for good. Clearly I've tried that and now look at me." I dredged up a small smile, facing him again, "Do you really still love me? Or do you think you do? A lot has happened since we were younger, you know... I need you to prove you love me so I can see that you'd be willing to die for me too. If I were to be killed, would you kill yourself? For me?" Suddenly, his face was in my hands and I leaned dangerously close to him, "Show me just how much I mean to you, Mail Jeevas. Here in front of god."


	12. Matt

I could feel the tip of Mello's nose against mine and his breath against my lips. I was so close to just leaning in so I could kiss him. I've been thinking and dreaming of that for so long, so many hours had passed by where my mind just drifted off and I found myself imagining how his lips would feel and how his tongue would taste. I was so focused on the features of Mello's face that I only heard half of the things that he was saying. 

"Yes..." was all I said eventually when I noticed that he was done talking. Damn, I probably sounded like a fucking love drunk idiot. I swallow hard and then try again. 

"Yes, Mello. I would go through hell and back to prove you that I still....love you." My mouth formed the words that I thought I would never get to say to him ever again, but here I was, right in front of this beautiful man, telling him that I still felt the same way for him as I did many years ago. 

"I love you." I say again and again until my lips finally reach his. There was so much longing and excitement rushing through my body and I was not able to make up what exactly I was feeling.

All I knew was that I felt as if I was home.

My arms were still wrapped around him and I could feel him against my chest. From the taste of Mello's lips I could tell that he had some chocolate before coming here. That was another thing that hasn't changed. His habit to eat chocolate.

The strong smell of his leather clothes were finding their way up my nose but it wasn't just that, there was more. Now that he was so close I was able to take in so much more from the man that I adore so much.

It was Mello's scent. I could smell it despite of the intensity of the other things. 

"I will die for you." I mumble as our lips part for a moment. "I will! And I will kill who ever tries to take you away. I swear I will, believe me! Don't push me away..." there was a hint of hurt in my voice when I tried to sound serious, which gave away that I really was upset and messed up. It was all going to be better now though.

"I will stay with you, I promise. I want to risk it all. Don't try to get rid of me again."


	13. Mello

Upon feeling Matt's lips push against mine, I felt as though some kind of fire that had died long ago had now sparked up within me once more, letting warmth flood through my body. I allowed him to hold me close, the security something I had subconsciously longed for, and was now being granted once again. Between small, sharp pants of breath, I continued to slowly move my lip to his rhythm and it all felt oh-so  _natural_. As if our sole purpose of creation was for the other one's needs. Yet this wasn't an opportunity wherein I felt that I was being taken advantage of, which was more than apparent when it came to the Mafia. I pushed this away from my mind however, focusing entirely on just how perfect the situation really was and how lucky I had been for it to go this way. Matt has changed now, I could tell that, and so had I. There was nothing to fear anymore. 

My eyelids flutter open as Matt speaks. He is by no means loud, but perhaps the intensity of what he is saying echoes across the building, like a promise he couldn't take back. Not now, with those up above as our witnesses in this sacred place. I watch those beautiful lips of his form the words and promises that he has sworn now, and I finally feel a vague sense of peace. Nothing could get to me now, I was utterly certain. And should it be the case I was being too optimistic, I knew I would manage now whatever came out of this little affair. Not that I wished to dwell on something quite so negative and unimportant right now.

"Good." I reply, my hands holding his face. I could feel stubble growing there, which felt rough against my fingertips but then, that was just a part of Matt as his whole being was, by definition, flawless; something so minor as that didn't bother me whatsoever. I trace his cheekbones and jawline, his appearance this close and in such detail was beyond fascinating to me. "We should leave this place, Matt. We have been here long enough as it is and I want to continue but... somewhere else. Did you drive here?" The nod he gave me in reply told me this was correct. I returned it and reluctantly stepped back, although my hands were quick to fall from his face to his own hands instead, which I tightly held onto. 

I began to walk down the aisle ahead of him, pulling him along behind me. Rows of empty benches looked on at us, yet I paid them no attention. The warmth of the chapel was slowly fading as we came towards the foyer and the doors, already wide open from where Matt must have rushed in after me. I looked back now, almost feeling the need to just tell Matt how much I loved and cared about him, whilst we were still in this building of unbroken promises, but perhaps it was my simple fear of sounding too needy and desperate that halted my decision to do so. Walking again, I took one step outside, the harsh breeze instantly tangling me within its unforgiving grip.

Turning to Matt now, I see that he appears calm and collected, unfazed by the extremity of temperature change we faced. It is funny, I think, that I came to this church far more broken than I wouldn't dare have admitted to not only anyone else - but most importantly - myself, and now I came outside with Matt, the perhaps most predominant cause of my grief, and I had found myself in love with him all over again. Many strange things had happened to me over the course of my life, but this was by far the strangest.


End file.
